Helge
06-02-2004, 12:02
An Introduction to Philosophy
By Danny Robinson
Soren Kierkegaard said that truth is subjective.
To tell you the truth I don't know a lot about philosophy. But I do know
what 'subjective' means - it's something that's different for everyone.
After reading a little, I decided it would be nice for Truth to be subjective.
And I choose for Truth to be subjective.
Today I stepped out of my house and into a new world - one where I am
free to choose my own Truth. The mailbox was overflowing, but I chose to
ignore it. In my world there is no mail. I wouldn't be paying those bills.
I strolled cheerfully along the footpath, glad to be relieved so easily of the
financial burden. I never realised philosophy could have such practical
application.
Later on, as I danced along the aisles of the supermarket, singing to my
groceries as I placed them in my trolley, I wondered how many other
people were making their own Truths. People stared at me, but I knew
why. They were admiring my incredible looks and perfect physique.
At the checkout, the cashier handed me back my debit card and informed
me that I had insufficient funds in my account. I explained to her that I
had plenty of money, but that was my Truth and not hers.
She called for her supervisor.
I was a little miffed at having to explain my situation again, and the
supervisor was no less accommodating of my personal beliefs. She told
me that the EFTPOS machine had its own Truth too, and that its Truth was
legally binding. This seemed fair enough, so I agreed to adjust my
personal Truth and handed my other card.
As I left the shopping center, I suddenly realised I had paid $2.95 for a
bunch of grapes. In my Truth grapes would never cost that much. But I
had already wasted too much time arguing, and I was late for my
meeting.
I work for the council, and I help make decisions. The meeting had
already started by the time I arrived, and I was asked to explain my
lateness. Not wishing to give the entire room a crash course in
philosophy, I simply stated that I was not late at all. The Mayor pointed at
the big clock above the doorway, and I mumbled an apology. I wasn't
quite up to changing the Truth of time. Who new what effect that could
have on the universe?
The first motion was carried with an overwhelming majority. Everyone
voted for it except me. Knowing it was vitally important that the motion
not be passed, I decided it was time for me to exercise my new authority
on truth.
That motion was voted out, I told them. They all looked at me.
They didn't understand. I told them about Soren Kierkegaard, and about
subjective Truth. I explained that the only Truth that matters is your own
personal Truth. It all made cosmic sense. I then explained that my vote
was worth more of theirs put together.
They asked me how I had come to this conclusion.
I said it didn't matter how, because nothing is important to me except my
Truth.
They told me to stop being childish.
One old councillor told me he agreed completely, and that personal things
are great things. Glad of an ally, I asked him to share with me some of
his own Truth.
"My own Truth is that I am sleeping with your wife" he calmly said.
I sat in silence as the room erupted. Fifty people in suits, rolling around in
laughter.
The old councillor continued his onslaught, telling me that I was standing
stark naked and should put some clothes on. I didn't believe him of
course, but my cheeks reddened as I realised with a heightening sense of
embarrassment that this could be the Truth for everyone else in the room
as well.
I went home covering myself with my hands - just in case.
By Danny Robinson
Soren Kierkegaard said that truth is subjective.
To tell you the truth I don't know a lot about philosophy. But I do know
what 'subjective' means - it's something that's different for everyone.
After reading a little, I decided it would be nice for Truth to be subjective.
And I choose for Truth to be subjective.
Today I stepped out of my house and into a new world - one where I am
free to choose my own Truth. The mailbox was overflowing, but I chose to
ignore it. In my world there is no mail. I wouldn't be paying those bills.
I strolled cheerfully along the footpath, glad to be relieved so easily of the
financial burden. I never realised philosophy could have such practical
application.
Later on, as I danced along the aisles of the supermarket, singing to my
groceries as I placed them in my trolley, I wondered how many other
people were making their own Truths. People stared at me, but I knew
why. They were admiring my incredible looks and perfect physique.
At the checkout, the cashier handed me back my debit card and informed
me that I had insufficient funds in my account. I explained to her that I
had plenty of money, but that was my Truth and not hers.
She called for her supervisor.
I was a little miffed at having to explain my situation again, and the
supervisor was no less accommodating of my personal beliefs. She told
me that the EFTPOS machine had its own Truth too, and that its Truth was
legally binding. This seemed fair enough, so I agreed to adjust my
personal Truth and handed my other card.
As I left the shopping center, I suddenly realised I had paid $2.95 for a
bunch of grapes. In my Truth grapes would never cost that much. But I
had already wasted too much time arguing, and I was late for my
meeting.
I work for the council, and I help make decisions. The meeting had
already started by the time I arrived, and I was asked to explain my
lateness. Not wishing to give the entire room a crash course in
philosophy, I simply stated that I was not late at all. The Mayor pointed at
the big clock above the doorway, and I mumbled an apology. I wasn't
quite up to changing the Truth of time. Who new what effect that could
have on the universe?
The first motion was carried with an overwhelming majority. Everyone
voted for it except me. Knowing it was vitally important that the motion
not be passed, I decided it was time for me to exercise my new authority
on truth.
That motion was voted out, I told them. They all looked at me.
They didn't understand. I told them about Soren Kierkegaard, and about
subjective Truth. I explained that the only Truth that matters is your own
personal Truth. It all made cosmic sense. I then explained that my vote
was worth more of theirs put together.
They asked me how I had come to this conclusion.
I said it didn't matter how, because nothing is important to me except my
Truth.
They told me to stop being childish.
One old councillor told me he agreed completely, and that personal things
are great things. Glad of an ally, I asked him to share with me some of
his own Truth.
"My own Truth is that I am sleeping with your wife" he calmly said.
I sat in silence as the room erupted. Fifty people in suits, rolling around in
laughter.
The old councillor continued his onslaught, telling me that I was standing
stark naked and should put some clothes on. I didn't believe him of
course, but my cheeks reddened as I realised with a heightening sense of
embarrassment that this could be the Truth for everyone else in the room
as well.
I went home covering myself with my hands - just in case.